


Degrees of Separation

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Cute, EVEN THOUGH ITS LATE!, Fluff, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINNA!, IM SORRRY, M/M, Men Crying, My First Work in This Fandom, Puppies, Separation Anxiety, anxious dan, if it sucks, im so happy that's a tag tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan isn't okay when Phil's not there. Phil just wanted some cereal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Degrees of Separation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daylightstrider](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daylightstrider/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRFDAY! (smoke u r 3 days late.) SHUT UP DISEMBODIED VOICE FROM NOWHERE! 
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy it. i worked hella hard on it. BUT IF IT'S TRASH PLEASE TELL ME!

Today was Monday and like most Mondays in cold, frigid London, no one in their right mind was out in the ice and rain. Not bothering to change out of the over sized t-shirt and boxers He'd worn the previous night, Dan Howell was curled on the sofa. He sipped his coffee, watching Pretty Little Liars. 

(Go ahead and judge him all you want. It's a good show goddamn it!) 

There was just one problem. 

There was a distinct lack of Phil Lester. Dan really didn't want to think about it too much. He really didn't want to seem like a clingy, needy boyfriend. Phil had sent him a text, after all. He'd explained that they were out of Crunchy Nut and he'd gone out to get more. Phil knew how little sleep Dan actually got, so he hadn't wanted to wake him. 

Not waking up with Phil arms around his middle, however, was a shock much worse than Phil poking his temple till he woke up.

Being alone felt...weird. 

He hadn't been alone for six years, hadn't sleep alone in months. The apartment suddenly felt too big. Why wouldn't Phil want him to go? He could've waited. They could've gone together. The prickle of suspicion ran up his spine. 

No, no. It was ridiculous to assume something malevolent was happening. Phil would be back in a few hours, maybe a few minutes if Dan was lucky. But there was still an adamant buzzing in the back of his head. 

"He's finally left you. Saw what a sorry excuse for a human you are and left."

He bit his lower lip. Phil had been slowly trying to wretch those thoughts from his head. That was all fine and good when his boyfriend was there: he could feel Phil's hands in his hair, he could lean into Phil's shoulder, he breathlessly told Dan how precious and amazing he was between kisses. 

But when he was alone, that shroud of darkness enveloped him. There was no way Phil Lester could reverse years of self depreciation. 

His nerves jumped and buzzed beneath his skin. A flood of terrifying energy filled him. Suddenly, he wouldn't sit still. Dan chewed the aggravated skin of his lips as he walked into the bedroom to retrieve his laptop. 

Yeah, okay. May as well put this energy to good use. He could do some editing, proofread some scripts. Do something other than have a mild anxiety attack.   
Okay, change of plans. His hands were shaking too badly for that. He sighed and burrowed himself in Phil's side of the bed. The smell of cheap shampoo and warm skin and Phil wafted into his nose. He reached for his phone before he could help it. His boyfriend's contact looked promising. 

"Clingy. Clingy. Clingy." 

So he dropped the smartphone on the edge of the bed and sighed loudly. God, he hated his brain. It made everything overly complicated. 

That's why Phil left. He couldn't handle his neurotic tendencies anymore. He left. He was long gone and it was all Dan's fau-

'Click'

"Dan! I'm home!" A sing song voice filled the apartment, "I promise I didn't bring any plants home!" 

Dan didn't realize he was trembling so hard. Tears were hot in his eyes. 

Oh, Phil had come home. He hadn't counted on that. 

He looked into the bedroom mirror. His dark hair was a mess. His nose and cheeks were red and puffy. Tear stains were evident on his blotched face. Oh god, he was still shaking like a leaf. If he didn't look clingy before, he sure looked it now. Crying because his boyfriend went to the store. What was wrong with him?

"Dan?" Phil's concerned voice neared the bedroom door, "Your mug is on the coffee table and Netflix is open. Don't pretend to be asleep."

Quickly, Dan wiped his eyes with his shirt. He tried to smooth down his hair and took a a deep breath. Phil opened the door. 

"Are you okay?" Phil's voice brimmed with concern. Dan flushed. He felt so stupid. 

"Me? Yeah, yeah. I'm okay." 

Phil opened his mouth to retort, but all that came out was "woof."

Dan looked him over as though he'd grown a second head. 

"Phil."

"Dan." 

"Woof."

Dan's eyes narrowed to slits, "There is not a dog in this flat is there?"

Phil inhaled deeply, "I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that there is not a dog in this flat."

"Woof."

The taller man shut his eyes and exhaled, "It's a puppy."

"Phil!" Dan cried. 

"Dan! Those are two completely different things." 

Dan shook his head in disbelief, "You know pets are against the lease!" 

Phil pleaded, "You should've seen her face! She followed me home and it's so cold outside, I couldn't leave her."

Dan wanted to laugh out loud, to throw himself into Phil's arms. But right now, he had to look stern. 

"Phil," he said firmly, "We can't just keep a stray animal. What if it has an owner? We're taking it to the pound first thing tomorrow morning." 

Phil crossed his arms over his chest, "Her name is Winston and she is our daughter." 

Before Dan could protest, the bedroom door was opened once more. A blonde, curly furred puppy waddled in. She wasted no time in jumping on Dan and covering his face with kisses. The facade of 'responsible adult' fell instantly. He knew she wasn't going anywhere. 

"Okay, okay!" He laughed, petting the hyperactive puppy, "We can keep her!"

Phil chuckled as he sat beside his boyfriend, "As though that was even a question."

Winston sat primly in Dan's lap, cementing her cuteness and place forever in his heart. They sat in silence and watched Winston play with Phil's shirt sleeve. 

"Why were you crying?" Phil asked after a heartbeat. 

"I wasn't-"

"Dan," His tone was probing yet comforting. Fuck Phil Lester and his innate ability to some how draw out everything embarrassing about him. His depression, his anxiety, his childishness, they all flared up with Phil. 

And yet, somehow, there he was. Sitting across from Dan, blue eyes trying to cut into and soothe him all at once. He cared. He wanted to be with clingy, needy Dan Howell. 

"I thought you'd left," The words came out with no filter, "I thought you'd left and you weren't coming back." He hated how small he sounded. Like a child taking to his mother. 

Phil melted, "Why would you think that?" 

"I don't know," Dan mumbled, "Just woke up and you weren't there. It freaked me out." 

His boyfriend wrapped him up in his arms and laid his head on Dan's shoulder. 

"Without you," He whispered sweetly, "I would be an absolute wreck." 

"You'd be fine," Dan's lip skin couldn't take much more abuse, "You'd be okay." 

"No, I wouldn't," Those blue eyes were on him again. 

"Phil, stop-"

"Don't you think I feel the way sometimes?" Phil's long, thin fingers made their way under Dan's shirt. He rubbed small, soothing circles onto his torso. His digits were pleasantly cool against his skin. 

"I'm scared that one day, you'll wake up and see that I'm holding you back. You'll go on to do bigger and better things and I'll be here. Alone." Phil was trying to keep his tone neutral, but he was failing miserably. Hurt was palpable in his voice. 

Dan snorted. He couldn't run a popular Youtube channel nor write a best selling novel by himself. He may have been more popular, but Phil had become his lifeline. Hell, he couldn't even be alone for an hour! 

"I won't go anywhere without you," He whispered. 

Phil squeezed him a little harder, "Me either. You know I have terrible separation anxiety." 

Winston yipped and nibbled Dan's fingers. Dan smiled. He let the warmth of Phil's affection and Winston's curiosity wash his anxiety away.


End file.
